I am not bitter or resentful, I forgave him the day I left, but I knew I wanted more out of life.
Although I had been stripped of all remnants of self-worth, I found an ounce of esteem that told me I deserved better.
I never imagined such shame and at 15 years old, understood it even less. It was those incidents that left long-lasting emotional scars. My story begins at the age of 14 and continues off and on until I was 22.The signs weren't obvious, especially to a 14 year-old, but it began with him telling me he didn't like the shirts I wore, or that my skirt was too short; at the time, it was easy to mistake jealousy and control for adoration.We may try to act or look a certain way so that our date likes us.It’s not a bad thing to want to impress others, but our ultimate goal in dating shouldn’t be to please the guy who asked us out. God created women intentionally, unique within all of creation.One winter day during my junior year, I found out that he had cheated on me again. He became enraged as I walked away to my class but he didn't follow me. In that moment, I had two choices: I could either sit there and continue to be belittled in front of everyone because he wasn't going to leave, and nobody else was going to say or do anything, or I could walk out and be shamed anyway because I had given into his threats. As we walked down the hall, he spit in my face, pulled my necklace off my neck, threw it in the trashcan and he threw me up against the lockers. Mine is a story of emotional, psychological, and physical abuse.
After class had begun, I heard the door swing open, which was at the front of the classroom. He stayed at the door and looked toward the teacher and said to him in front of the whole class, "I need to speak to that fucking whore right there." He pointed at me, then he turned to me and said, "Bitch, get your fucking stupid ass out here now." Everybody turned and looked at me in shock but nobody said a word. It didn't begin immediately, in fact, there weren't any signs until we had been dating for almost a year.Teen Dating Violence is much more common than we think.* 1 in 10 teens reported being hit or physically hurt by a boyfriend/girlfriend * Across studies, 15-40% of youth report perpetrating some form of violence towards a dating partner * Perpetrating dating violence in adolescence increases the risk of perpetrating violence toward a partner in adulthood * Exposure to dating violence significantly affects a range of mental and physical health problems If you are in an abusive situation, please seek help.And for all those times he tried to strip me of my spirit and I felt I had no value, I made it my mission.Although domestic violence defines you in ways beyond comprehension, I will only allow it to push me further than I ever dreamed, beyond all doubts and fears, and towards my bliss.It was easier to stay and suffer in private than to try to leave and be humiliated in public.