The first person I interviewed was Gaia Steinberg, 24, from Israel. She’s an activist in the feminist, sex-positive, and asexual communities. He has been in a leader and activist in asexual community for ten years, was active in campaigns to take asexuality out of the DSM, and was featured in the documentary Asexual people are not a monolith, but I asked Gaia and David to tell me about their own experiences with the community as a whole and their own personal understanding of dating while asexual.Remember that no one person sees dating or sexuality exactly the same way as another, but I hope that this serves as a jumping off point for giving you some insight into dating while asexual.The set of associations for a white guy, for instance, heavily influence how he is perceived, what scripts he received on how his sexuality should work, and so on.
The traditional dinner-and-a-movie trope feels false to him; it feels like it’s based on metaphors that don’t describe his personal experience of intimacy.
Dating as a social institution can seem very flawed to asexuals.
What it means for someone to think of themselves as asexual is very different for people of different socioeconomic, racial, and ethnic groups – especially those that are already marginalized Much of the language of the asexual community is geared toward people says David, and the community has continued on a trend of racial homogeneity.
As the community moves from online to offline organizing, he has seen an upward trend in ethnic and racial diversity, which he suspects is related to the expansion of options for diverse spaces and diverse ways of participating in the community.
Asexuality is something that is currently discriminated against or thought of as weird or wrong.
Asexual people are at risk of violence — — if they reveal their asexuality to someone they don’t know.
It’s specifically flawed in ways that make it difficult for asexual people to engage in.
David rejects that there’s only one kind of relationship that counts, and that there’s a particular course that a relationship must take.
It’s complicated for her to step away from sexuality while simultaneously claiming agency that comes from sexuality.
It’s very different from David, who is breaking a different set of assumptions regarding agency.
David’s relationships sometimes look like dating sometimes, but not always.